Security Jones. Summer. Oops–Is That My Gat?

Frankly it’s been hard times for the Transportation Safety Administration.  Recent security tests at major U.S. airports reveal abysmal performance–in particular at stopping guns.  Guns?  You will not get through with a six once bottle of skin moisturizer, but 97% of the time your gun will.  No?  Look it up.  NBC News.


And for those found with guns in their luggage?  What do they say?  “Shit happens.”  No.  “I want an attorney.”  No–at least not right up front.  “Does my boss have to find out?”  Are these the things to utter as the TSA stuttersteps you  down the long tube?




The tunnel that leads to the pole, that leads to the hole, for the 3%.



 The summer travel season burns full on.  Airports are again a crush.  And security?  We see guns–47 in a recent count.  We  see a boiling menacing mob at Hollywood International Airport in Fr. Lauderdale.  As of Wednesday  we now place any device larger than a smart phone in a bin by itself.  How’d we get here, just this year?  StockJaw’s Security Jones.

 Still servin’ up those juicy tidbits and  tiny tales from the bongo security and travel wars.  Who can resist such lotto-ball madness?  Sizzling little privates-poking moments and secrets that create memories yo.  Appreciate your Security Personnel–or maybe they’ll just escort you round back.  No one gets through this gate without that blue-glove special TSA dance.






Things to remember when flying:  there may be delays, or a police action.  Flight personnel are passenger control, not food service.  Eye-to-eye contact will be treated as a challenge.  Learning to navigate modern travel is crucial.  Learning from example is required.




“Betcha a hundred bucks there’s a gun on this flight.”


The United Airlines drag-by of Dr. David Dao; two teeth one concussion and one lawsuit-bag of money to the Doctor.  Some claim the Doctor could be heard sputtering through his blood–“O.k., we’re goin’ old school.”   Well maybe, but he should have been thinking it.  The Doctor relaxed and let it happen and got paid.


The American Airlines Stroller-snatch and flight attendant/passenger  square-up.  What’s not to love?  A brawl’s a brawl, and you’re in the front row.  Again, relax–it’s included.  Hedge-in, increase the odds of being hit–ring the register.  How complicated is that?



The Delta Airlines custody-threat/yank of the Youtube family, the ones issued boarding passes mere moments earlier.  “Shit.  It’s like Christmas.”–is that what they really said, while being bum-rushed off the aircraft?  Soundtrack–Sinatra, of course “Come fly with me.”



Forget that drunk American in Japan.  How about the one at Omaha?    8-26-16  The guy hops a security fence onto the tarmac, nabs a pickup, stripping along the way, and promptly plows it into the nose gear of a parked Southwest Airlines flight.   And Harrison Ford?






So, what have we discovered?  When headed to the airport pack a 2pac record.  Bring bail money.  Post full body photos to Facebook prior to departure.   Never show up drunk for, or drink during, any flight.  By so doing you firmly place yourself outside any kind of drag-by payday.

Keep thinking.  How many people have to demonstrate the financial potential of airline travel?  While that dunce-drunk American in Japan was taken off to jail, Dr. Dao was taken for a soft-serve supper with his attorney.  Following the sit-down it’s believed the Doctor was spotted on bank surveillance opening a Wells account.

 So whet do you say when the TSA unpacks your gun and shows it to you?  Do you leap back agog pointing like, what the F…?  Or, once completely TSA surrounded do you suddenly shout “you planted that?”  Right.  Follow that up with “who’s signing your special checks?”  No.

Take your lead from the masses.  What people say when confronted by their own gun by TSA is  “I forgot.”  The face goes slack and the ball’s in the TSA’s court.



Running a retail business?  Customer beatings cutting your bookings?  Own any airline?  Sit tight.  But let’s ask Peter Lynch for a comment–



“I prefer a business that can be run by an idiot, because sooner or later, it will be.”  –Peter Lynch



“Who’s Peter Lynch?” you ask.  Peter Lynch ran Fidelity’s Magellan Fund from ’77-’90, posting an average annual return of  29.2%.  Those are outer space numbers.




Images sourced from Pixabay.

Additional resources:


*Thanks to that unique voice of Donald Fagen, and “Security Joan” off the 2006, Morph the Cat release.



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