Peyton’s ProFlowers? Are We Havin’ Fun Yet?

ProflowersGraphic, STOCKjAW banne, Quality View

There’s no shame in pimping products on TV right? Flowers? It’s Valentine’s Day thug. Be a hero and order some for her. We did and we’re now the shit.


Manning is a–everybody knows who Peyton is. Did you catch his TV spot? So there we were watching the paly-offs or whatever and bam–flowers. Peyton had gone pro–again. Who is that team?
Peyton went pro again with ProFlowers.  Huh?  ProFloweers is an e-commerce flower retailer operating out of San Diego.



Who is ProFlowers?  Created back in 1998 by a guy named Jerod Polis, the company was later rebranded as Provide Commerce(Nasdaq:(PRVD), which in turn became a wholly-owned subsidiary of Liberty Media. After that and every couple of years beginning in ’08 PRVD rolled up other gifting companies. They send our gourmet foods, fruit baskets, and of course flowers.  Then in ”14 PRVD was itself purchased by FTD, the company most simply know as yet another flower delivery service.



Should you try ProFlowers?  Sport lovers love star power. What’s better? Flowers? No. Becoming a hero. You can. We did. How? Easily, and it was smart as–. We ordered–in minutes. Here’s what happened, as seen through our post-delivery email to the company. We’re hoping not to get sued for the screenshots.  But then, why would they?  We loved the whole experience.  Well, except for that one filthy little surprise. Ordering up “Peyton’s Proflowers. Are We Havin’ Fun Yet?”



Never goes out of style. Be there or be square. When it’s time to send something you can’t go wrong like this. Proflowers was easy.

STOCKjAW ordered and then emailed; ProFlowers:

Thank you.  We appreciate your response, and PF’s gorgeous post delivery email as well.  We hate most of those.  Yet, if you truly want to impress, drop the ludicrous backdoor “Care and Handling” charge.  That’s your business.  If you don’t “care” how you “handle” your business, then neither do we.  Expecting potential customers to pay extra for you to care is absurd.  Who happily pays a business to take care with goods sold?


Graphic, ProFlowers
After the deal. Many businesses conclude transactions with emails. It’s only smart. Few send out emails like this. sprawling functionality and gorgeous design. At the very top a tabs bar provides website functionality(not shown.)


Your TV promo is smart and crisp.  Your prices are great–except for that quizzical $400 cylindrical black box.  Your site’s nice and easy.  Your post-delivery email is stunning–we’re green with envy.  Skank of America’s is very nice but yours is drop-dead.  Bottom line; you delivered exactly what we wanted.  She’s happy, we’re happy, and we got it done hassle-free in minutes for fifty bucks.  All good, except for that filthy late night $3 surprise.


“But the care charge is only $2.99” you say?  Advert prices stick, without any last second screw-overs.  You hung Peyton out to vouched for you for god’s sake.  Does he know about that stinky little get-over?  That’s just peddling down the neck of your spokesman.  You paid him right?  Take care of his image.  Did you check?  Peyton’s contracts included a back-end fee for “Care & Handling” too. Taking “care” of the ball was always extra.  “Oh, you guys owe me extra for that last one.  I didn’t fumble, or get sacked, and I handled it right to my running back–on time.”  Right.


Shoppers are conditioned to expect free delivery, and often 0 tax–AMZN.  That’s just E-commerce in America now yo.  Shopping minds are simple minds, preoccupied with searching.  Searchers aren’t thinking things like how great your $13 delivery charge is.  They’re hardly thinking at all.  Not thinking tax, or about any foul cable-bill-style fee stacking.  They’re shoppers for god’s sake.  Shoppers are like black labs.  You have to actually present the stick to them before throwing it.


Graphic, ProFlowers 3
Post-delivery email. The one dozen roses with square class vase. $50, promo code “adore.” We caught the Peyton Manning clip on TV. She loved it. Her colleagues saw it. Everyone loved it. What else can you spend $50 on and rock it out of the park?


Shoppers turned payers operate only on the brain stem.  They behave much like belligerent line-standers, about to be charged for waiting.  They simply stare in revulsed sickness when that now exploded total lands like a cinder block on an antique Cocobolo desk.  Who does that to customers just as they’re fingering their c card?  Huh?  WTF?  No smart business allows that scenario.


Stand out from the brain stem crowd.  Display pride don’t hide.  If your prices are slack-jaw high treat customers like an annoyance.  If your prices are great go bold, displaying all charges with each item–estimated totals.  Show as they go.  Estimate, don’t hate.  Or you can plow forward rear-ending customers last minute and hope they get over it.   


Your reputation is created one rear end at a time, and remains the most valuable asset you will ever–maybe–control.  Shoppers love relying on  honest customer-centric brands that display respect for their money and time.


You get one shot with most people–oops zero shots with most.  In the age of Amazon, most companies are lucky to get any shot.  Make it your best and make your best better daily.  It’s called business.  We gave you one.  And we’re tough.  We could have gone literally anywhere–and we rarely return.  Think the Death Star.  Why?  Amazon, aka the Death Star, Fa King rules.  And if Amazon does flowers?  Hum?  Do they?  You know we’ll check that.  Play the customer loyalty game–your response seems that you may be.  Super sweet, simple, hassle-free, customer centric.  


 Again, thanks for the response.  You didn’t have to do that.  Nice.  That distinguishes.  That’s whats sticking now.  Oh, you may find, will, a piece about your email/ PF online, soon–no–very soon.  We might even love you. 



Graphic, ProFlowers 2
Yet again, the terrific final email. More great colorful crisp design. We’re hoping ProFlowers and it’s parent are smart enough not to lash us with a legal complaint. If they do, we’ll let you know–promptly. Otherwise, this will go down as our smartest Valentine’s Day ever–that is if we haven’t been auto-subscribed to something we’ve never heard of. If so, we’ll tell you that too.



Tell Someone.

Thanks for Reading.

graphic, flying s.


Images sourced from Pixabay. is simply amazing–a sprawling compendium of joy.  Thank you Pixabay.  If you also know love and use Pixabay’s lavish resource, please take time to donate to them at  We do, truly.

Additional resources:  Seriously Wonderful.  Fact.
Charles Schwab.  In Our Opinion, the best broker going.
Be careful.  Do the work.  Have patience, with yourself.  Never put your dreams away.



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